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MOM
You Know You're a Mom When:
1. Your feet stick to the kitchen floor.....and you don't care.
2. When the kids are fighting, you threaten to lock them in
a room together and not let them out until someone's bleeding.
3. You can't find your cordless phone,
so you ask a friend to call you,
and you run around the house madly,
following the sound until you locate the
phone downstairs in the laundry basket.
4. You spend an entire week wearing sweats.
5. Your idea of a good day is making it through
without a child leaking bodily fluids on you.
6. Popsicle become a food staple.
7. Your favorite television show is a cartoon.
8. Peanut butter and jelly is eaten at least in one meal a day.
9. You're willing to kiss your child's boo-boo,
regardless of what body part it happens to be on.
10. Your baby's pacifier falls on the floor and you
give it back to her after you suck the dirt off of it
because your too busy to wash it off.
11. Your kids make jokes about farting, burping,
pooping, etc., and you think it's funny.
12. You're so desperate for adult conversation
that you spill your guts to the telemarketer that
calls and HE hangs up on YOU!
13. Spit is your number one cleaning agent.
14. You're up each night until 10 PM vacuuming,
dusting, wiping, washing, drying, loading, unloading,
shopping, cooking, driving, flushing, ironing, sweeping,
picking up, changing sheets, changing diapers,
bathing, helping with homework, paying bills, budgeting,
clipping coupons, folding clothes, putting to bed,
dragging out of bed, brushing, chasing, buckling,
feeding (them, Not you), PLUS swinging,
playing baseball, bike riding, pushing trucks,
cuddling dolls, rollerblading, basketball, football,
catch, bubbles, sprinklers, slides, nature walks,
coloring, crafts, jumping rope, PLUS raking,
trimming, planting, edging, mowing, gardening,
painting, and walking the dog. You get up at 5:30
AM and you have no time to eat, sleep,
drink or go to the bathroom, and yet ... you
still managed to gain 10 pounds.
15. In your bathroom there is toothpaste
on the light fixtures, water all over the floor,
a dog drinking out of the toilet and body hair
forming a union to protest unsafe working conditions.
16. You buy cereal with marshmallows in it.
17. The closest you get to gourmet cooking
is making rice krispie bars
Author unknown
Written & Submitted by: Robert Beau
Unknown
Reflections Of A Mother
I gave you life, but cannot live it for you.
I can teach you things, but I cannot make you learn.
I can give you directions, but I cannot be there to lead you.
I can allow you freedom, but I cannot account for it.
I can take you to church, but I cannot make you believe.
I can teach you right from wrong, but I cannot always decide for you.
I can buy you beautiful clothes, but I cannot make you beautiful inside.
I can offer you advice, but I cannot accept it for you.
I can give you love, but I cannot force it upon you.
I can teach you to share, but I cannot make you unselfish.
I can teach you respect, but I cannot force you to show honor.
I can advise you about friends, but cannot choose them for you.
I can advise you about sex, but I cannot keep you pure.
I can tell you the facts of life,but I can't build your reputation.
I can tell you about drink, but I can't say "no" for you.
I can warn you about drugs, but I can't prevent you from using them.
I can tell you about lofty goals, but I can't achieve them for you.
I can teach you about kindness, but I can't force you to be gracious.
I can warn you about sins, but I cannot make you moral.
I can love you as a child, but I cannot place you in God's family.
I can pray for you, but I cannot make you walk with God.
I can teach you about Jesus, but I cannot make Jesus your Lord.
I can tell you how to live, but I cannot give you eternal life.
Steps We Retrace
I watched as you learn to crawl on all fours
Sometimes laughed as you ran into doors
You would drag your favorite stuffed toy wherever you did go
Why it was so important I will never know
The cat and dog knew that you were a precious child
Even though sometimes you seemed to run wild
You smiled each time someone said Kitchy Coo
It was as if you knew exactly what to do
Each of the cupboard doors needed to be closed tight
It was just that you didn�t yet know wrong from right
Those precious words you learned so well
How you loved to ring that bell
While impatiently waiting for you to start to walk
Marveling at every word as you started to talk
We put up a gate to keep you in
Why did it feel like we committed a sin
You graduated from the crawl to the stand
It seemed that nothing was safe from your little hand
In time that fateful day did finally arrive
It was amazing that the household did survive
At first you would walk and quickly fall down
Initially the was always someone around
You did get stronger and braver each time never wanting to stop
But more often than not, you�d land with a flop
It was amazing how quickly you�d mend
Thank GOD for the cushioning he placed at each end
All the baby pictures remind us of those days
Behind each one is a memory that stays
Some day we will sit and look at these photos once more
It may be when it your child is the one on the floor
We all learn to crawl before we start to walk or run
This is your childhood, you will only have one
The Meanest Mom
We had the meanest mother in the whole world!
While other kids ate candy for breakfast,
we had to have cereal, eggs, and toast.
When others had a Pepsi and a Twinkie for lunch, we had to eat sandwiches.
And you can guess our mother fixed us a dinner that was different
from what other kids had, too.
Mother insisted on knowing where we were at all times.
You'd think we were convicts in a prison.
She had to know who our friends were, and what we were doing with them.
She insisted that if we said we would be gone for an hour,
we would be gone for an hour or less.
We were ashamed to admit it, but she had the nerve to break the
Child Labor Laws by making us work.
We had to wash the dishes, make the beds, learn to cook,
vacuum the floor, do laundry, and all sorts of cruel jobs.
I think she would lie awake at night thinking
of more things for us to do.
She always insisted on us telling the truth the whole truth,
and nothing but the truth.
By the time we were teenagers, she could read our minds.
Then, life was really tough!
Mother wouldn't let our friends just honk the horn when they drove up.
They had to come up to the door so she could meet them
while everyone else could date when they were 12 or 13,
we had to wait until we were 16.
Because of our mother we missed out on lots
of things other kids experienced.
None of us have ever been caught shoplifting,
vandalizing other's property, or
ever arrested for any crime.
It was all her fault.
We never got drunk, took up smoking, stayed out all night,
or a million other things other kids did.
Sundays were reserved for church, and we never missed once.
We knew better than to ask to spend the
night with a friend on Saturdays.
Now that we have left home, we are all God-fearing, educated, honest adults.
We are doing our best to be mean parents just like Mom was.
I think that is what's wrong with the world today.
It just doesn't have enough mean moms anymore...
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